I can’t even…

…blog

Think.

Hide my distress from the children.

Remember doing things.

Pick up the phone.

Look forward to things.

Go outside unless I really have to.

Work.

See how to go on from here.

 

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About purplepersuasion

40 something service user, activist, writer and mother living with bipolar disorder. Proud winner of the Mark Hanson Prize for Digital Media at the Mind Media Awards #VMGMindAwards 2013. Winner of the World in Mentalists Mood Disorder blog 2012. Regular guest blogger for the International Bipolar Foundation http://www.internationalbipolarfoundation.org/ Expert by Experience working with Mind training department. Working on The Incoming Tide, a bipolar memoir. Find me on Twitter @BipolarBlogger or at my Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/BipolarBlogger
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27 Responses to I can’t even…

  1. Emily says:

    Keep on going outside, keep on using your brain to distract. U will get better.

    It is an illness

    Keep taking the tablets and don’t withdraw from people if u can

  2. Elizabeth Cave says:

    Oh my dear…. I’m sending you lots of loving suppor/t.

    Elizabeth /

  3. Patrick Olszowski says:

    HI
    Just to say your writing is always so powerful and sending you all the best at this difficult time.
    I haven’t used this site myself – but it looked friendly – is online support (hosted by Mind) – http://elefriends.org.uk/?ctaId=/information-support/support-community-elefriends/elefriends/text/
    Take care,
    Patrick

  4. I can empathise, Charlotte. I hope this passes quickly. One step at a time!

  5. Sue trainer says:

    Oh Charlotte your life is certainly a roller coaster and I follow all your blogs, I have been in the place you are, but thankfully I don’t have Bi-polar so I can’t begin to imagine coping with that too. I can only hope that this episode will soon pass, and know that people care for you. Sending big hugs to you {{{{{{Charlotte}}}}}}

  6. Lorna White says:

    People admire your strength and determination. Your family love you. Hang in there until it passes BIG HUGS

  7. jamjar21 says:

    Thinking of you and wishing I could do something to help.

  8. Henry Dunn says:

    So sorry to hear that Charlotte. Could tell from the Facebook posts that things weren’t too good. Nothing I can say will make you feel much better, just wanted to let you know that I’m here and I care.

  9. Sharon says:

    Charlotte, I’m feeling the same way at the moment but the one thing about our moods is that they are never permanent. They flit across the sky of our minds like clouds, some are dark and some let the sun shine through. Hope you feel better soon

  10. electronicbaglady says:

    it too will pass – just hang on for the moment. Nothing more is required of you. [[Hugs]]

    • It will – but will only be replaced with hypomania (panicky, irritable or elated) or with dysphoric mania or with paranoid terror. I just lurch from one state to another – no euthymia since spring 2010. It’s the lack of a break and the not knowing what comes next which is making me feel so hopeless.

      • electronicbaglady says:

        Whatever comes you will cope because you have before and so that is what you do. It’s not fun or easy or fair. But you will cope. X

  11. Sounds so familiar.
    My 9 yr old little sister prescribed me ‘happy lotion’ on Monday night “because I’m going out [to the school show] so I can’t cheer you up.”

  12. Dominique Stansfield says:

    So sorry to hear that , I know the feeling. The great big grey cloud has caught you…hang in there it is horrid … awful and unexplainable to anyone who has not had it…those of us who have had the feeling are with you xxx

  13. faridarahman says:

    Really feel for you. I’ve been there and as someone has said, our lives are as cyclical as our moods, so change is always there. Those that love you, love you unconditionally – so just be. Let someone spoil you. I just slept, but I know that might not be escape enough for you. Going back to my basic senses and mindfulness helped to an extent for me. I hope you get to the other side soon.

    • Thanks, Farida. One of the things that’s been making it extra hard is that I keep having these dreams in which I feel acutely depressed and very isolated and lonely – so I feel very down from the minute I wake. Last night was OK, but the previous two nights I felt I got no rest because I was doing depression all day, and dreaming it at night 😦 xx

  14. stay safe. im so sorry.

  15. Hugs and courage. 🙂

  16. Sile says:

    You poor thing. Stay safe and I wish you ease. Things now out of reach will become available to you again. Xx

  17. Liz BUITRAGO says:

    hang in there, please!! you’re one of the reasons i keep trying to fight my depression, i’m sending you all my thoughts

  18. Take it second by second sweet heart! Look towards the next moment and try your hardest to fight it. I’ve coined this roller coaster ride in my brain as the “mood monster”. Kick that mood monsters ass sweetie! You just need to survive right now, nothing more, nothing less. This too shall pass, it is the only consolation this horrible mind f**k offers. I know about the paranoia and what not too. Just be gentle with yourself!!

  19. Louise Payne says:

    Sorry to hear that Charlotte. You have been such an encouragement to me since I discovered your blog recently. Hang in there.

  20. Adam Creed says:

    Louise sums my thoughts up perfectly.Your bog is brilliant.

  21. Adam Creed says:

    I meant blog! hope it gave you a chuckle!

  22. Thinking of you, you are such an inspiration to me, keep fighting!

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