Tag Archives: Bipolar depression

Enough of us both

TW: suicidal thoughts and planning On Monday afternoon I sat in a glass-walled consulting room with my Consultant psychiatrist. Out in the waiting room I had felt so weary, sick to the back teeth of coming to this building over … Continue reading

Posted in Bipolar, Mental health services, Suicidal thought, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

The woman in the crumbling mask

[TW: suicidal thoughts] As Christmas approached I was cautiously optimistic. I’d been doing so much better since starting lamotrigine, feeling like myself for the first time in who knows when. I saw no reason why that shouldn’t continue. Of course … Continue reading

Posted in Bipolar, Crisis care, Depression | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 22 Comments

The lonely life of the outlaw

***TRIGGER WARNING*** Suicidal thoughts/plans Please take care of yourself and don’t read on if you are feeling at all vulnerable In the six years I was a frontline probation worker I spoke with all kinds of people about all manner … Continue reading

Posted in Mental health, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

What have I done?

***MORE BIG TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SUICIDE, INCLUDING METHODS*** Yesterday I forced myself to be more honest than I have ever been about my suicidality. I told the Home Treatment Team Consultant, the team Registrar and my partner Tom everything I … Continue reading

Posted in Mental health, Mental health services | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

An impossible ask

I’m going to start with a massive TRIGGER WARNING. This post contains numerous references to suicidal thoughts and descriptions of methods, as well as intrusive thoughts of self-harm. Please don’t read on if this could be damaging to you. After … Continue reading

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Enough

My mood’s been variable in recent weeks; rapid cycling, I guess, since over the past couple of days I have pinged from low to elated and back again. Thankfully the range of mood is narrow; every up and every down … Continue reading

Posted in Mental health | Tagged , , , , , , | 19 Comments

I was wrong

I’m not tremendously good at admitting when I’m wrong – indeed, my partner would be overwhelmed with amusement at the suggestion I do it at all. But I’m admitting it now: I was wrong, dead wrong, about being in recovery. … Continue reading

Posted in Mental health | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments