Tag Archives: Home Treatment Team

In two minds

So apparently I am having to live with a dual reality. One is about logic, “facts” and what I “know” to be true (or more accurately what I previously knew to be true). The other is a different sort of … Continue reading

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Where the damage is done

So much has happened to me since I last wrote a personal post that I find it difficult to link this one to the one before. Filling you in by writing it down now will diminish how very terrible things … Continue reading

Posted in Crisis care | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Enough of us both

TW: suicidal thoughts and planning On Monday afternoon I sat in a glass-walled consulting room with my Consultant psychiatrist. Out in the waiting room I had felt so weary, sick to the back teeth of coming to this building over … Continue reading

Posted in Bipolar, Mental health services, Suicidal thought, Suicide | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

The woman in the crumbling mask

[TW: suicidal thoughts] As Christmas approached I was cautiously optimistic. I’d been doing so much better since starting lamotrigine, feeling like myself for the first time in who knows when. I saw no reason why that shouldn’t continue. Of course … Continue reading

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So this is Christmas – and what have I learned?

[Content note: discusses suicidal thoughts] Yesterday I was looking through some photos and came across pictures of Tom and I took in Bavaria last Christmas. Looking at them gave me a strange jolt. It suddenly felt like no time at … Continue reading

Posted in Bipolar, Crisis care, Depression | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 27 Comments

The lonely life of the outlaw

***TRIGGER WARNING*** Suicidal thoughts/plans Please take care of yourself and don’t read on if you are feeling at all vulnerable In the six years I was a frontline probation worker I spoke with all kinds of people about all manner … Continue reading

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The long and winding road

Back in the spring a number of people started to suggest I might benefit from referral to a tertiary service. It would be wrong to assume that everyone knows what that means, so for those who need it, scroll down … Continue reading

Posted in Family issues, Mental health, NHS services, Politics and current affairs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The seductive whisper of the suicidal voice

***TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts, suicide planning suicide attempt, overdose, physical affects of treatment of overdose*** In September 2001, in the middle of a bipolar mixed episode, an idea came to me. I’d barely slept in a week despite prescribed zopiclone, … Continue reading

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What have I done?

***MORE BIG TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR SUICIDE, INCLUDING METHODS*** Yesterday I forced myself to be more honest than I have ever been about my suicidality. I told the Home Treatment Team Consultant, the team Registrar and my partner Tom everything I … Continue reading

Posted in Mental health, Mental health services | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 23 Comments

An impossible ask

I’m going to start with a massive TRIGGER WARNING. This post contains numerous references to suicidal thoughts and descriptions of methods, as well as intrusive thoughts of self-harm. Please don’t read on if this could be damaging to you. After … Continue reading

Posted in Mental health, Politics and current affairs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 17 Comments